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improve your marriage|||improve your marriage


Improve Your Marriage By Focusing on the Things that Matter Most

When you get married, you don’t plan on getting divorced. The idea of getting married is showing that you truly love someone and that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Life changes though, and while you may find a person’s quirks cute and loveable when they are new to you, the longer you know that person, the more frustrating those things may become. It’s easy for little challenges to turn into huge problems in a relationship, and learning how to communicate with your partner is vital if you want to make your marriage last as long as possible.

improve your marriage What Makes a Marriage Special

There have been many studies done into what makes a marriage successful. Researchers have found that the couples that are the most successful trust each other, are honest, and make decisions together. They also tend to have a friendly relationship and share each other’s spiritual beliefs. 1

One study, which focused on couples that had been together for 15 years or more, including ones that had survived the social changes of the 60s and 70s, expanded upon those few points and found that couples that survived difficulties had the ability to adapt to change and to live with the things that they could not change. 2 Essentially, those couples focused on the things that mattered the most and treated their relationship like it was permanent, rather than working with the idea that walking away was an option.

Focus on Growing Together improve your marriage

Studies also show that couples who attend church together are more likely to stay together. 3 That doesn’t necessarily mean that couples who do not go to church are doomed to divorce. That time in a church could likely be substituted with time in other shared activities, and with other good support networks. Churches offer mentors, social opportunities, and a chance to spend time together in quiet contemplation. These things can all be beneficial when times are hard.

If you are having difficulties with family members, struggling financially, or are stressed at work, what do you do? If your response is to go to the bar with friends of the same gender, or go to the gym, or retreat to the study to play video games, then you could be sabotaging your relationship.

Those times when you are stressed and struggling are the times when you need to invest in the relationship the most. You can’t assume that after the first year or so of marriage your relationship is going to stay happy and that your spouse “knows you love them”. Focus on feeding the relationship, show that you care, and invest some time into enjoying shared experiences. It will pay off.

improve your marriage One relatively recent study examined the level of happiness of married couples before and after those couples had completed a new and exciting task together. The couples that completed the task showed an increase in satisfaction in their relationship, compared to the couple that had not. 4 Another study tasked couples with taking up new activities and learning new skills together and found that the couples who spent time together hiking, climbing or doing other activities showed an improvement in relationship satisfaction. 5

The activities don’t have to be extremely exotic or even expensive. Taking some time to play a game together could improve your health and the quality of your relationship. You could join a book club together. There are lots of options out there. If you don’t have a lot of time or money, then you can share time together staying at home. Pick a series on Netflix and watch an episode a night together, talking about it afterward. Put your phone away, and actually talk. It’s a small thing but it makes all the difference.

Be mindful, also, of your preconceived notions of how relationships should be. Studies show that if your parents divorced, then this means you are more likely to get divorced yourself. Adults whose parents have gotten divorced often have less commitment to their marriages than those whose parents remained married. 6 If you want your marriage to last, then having that commitment is important.

Sometimes, the best decision is to bring a relationship to an end. Sometimes that end can be amicable. That is not always the case, however. If it feels like your marriage is struggling, there are things that you can do to repair it. Talk to your partner, consider couples counseling, or therapy, and work on your relationship. If you have people in your life who do have successful relationships, then talk to them and ask them for advice. There is no magical secret to a happy marriage, but there are things that you can do to give your relationship a strong foundation.

Photo Credits: DeanDrobot/, OlenaYakobchuk/, Maridav/, RomanSamborskyi/

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